Would you rather questions for couples

Fun — the easy ones

Start here. The point is to laugh, not to score. These are quick to answer and tell you more about each other than the answer itself does.

1. Would you rather have an unlimited international flight pass or never have to pay for food at restaurants again?
2. Would you rather always be slightly underdressed or slightly overdressed?
3. Would you rather have a personal chef or a personal driver?
4. Would you rather only ever listen to one album for the rest of your life, or only ever watch one movie?
5. Would you rather live by the ocean or in the mountains?
6. Would you rather have a quiet weekend at home or a spontaneous trip somewhere new?
7. Would you rather give up coffee or give up dessert?
8. Would you rather be famous for something you didn't do, or anonymously do something amazing?
9. Would you rather host the holidays every year, or travel for them every year?
10. Would you rather never check your phone again, or never check email again?

Deep — the slower ones

These take a little longer. Ask one, let the answer land, and then talk about why. The 'why' is the part that matters.

1. Would you rather know exactly when you'll die or exactly how?
2. Would you rather be deeply loved by a few or admired by many?
3. Would you rather forget every painful memory you have, or keep all of them as they are?
4. Would you rather be brilliant at something you don't enjoy, or mediocre at something you love?
5. Would you rather always know what others think of you, or never know at all?
6. Would you rather have more time or more money?
7. Would you rather be remembered for your work or for who you were to people?
8. Would you rather live the same good year on repeat, or live a series of imperfect, different ones?
9. Would you rather feel certain and sometimes wrong, or uncertain and often right?
10. Would you rather inherit your parents' best trait or be free of their worst one?

For the two of you

These are about the relationship itself. Take them gently — they're better answered honestly than quickly.

1. Would you rather spend a whole day apart and reunite at dinner, or be together the whole day with no plan?
2. Would you rather we talk through a hard thing tonight or write each other letters about it?
3. Would you rather have a standing weekly date or a surprise date once a month?
4. Would you rather I tell you when something's wrong right away, or wait until I've thought it through?
5. Would you rather go to bed early together or stay up late together?
6. Would you rather we save aggressively for a big shared thing, or spend a little more on small shared things?
7. Would you rather hear the same thing you love about me said often, or hear a new thing rarely?
8. Would you rather we make all big decisions slowly together, or split them by who cares more?
9. Would you rather a quiet anniversary at home or a trip neither of us has taken?
10. Would you rather I always ask before helping, or always help without asking?

How to use them

• One at a time. A would you rather isn't a quiz. Ask one, let it sit, talk about why before moving on.
• Take the answer seriously. Even the silly ones reveal something — a preference, a fear, a small piece of how someone sees the world.
• No third option. The constraint is the point. "I don't know, both?" is a kind of not-answering.
• Both of you answer. The asker doesn't get to opt out. Reciprocity is what turns the question into a conversation.